


Silas University Student Handbook, Bestiary, and Survival Guide (Abridged)

by Grevling



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Misses Clause Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 08:43:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2844947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grevling/pseuds/Grevling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Worst thing they can do is expel me, and by comparison, that’s not seeming too dire."</p><p>"It’ll seem dire once they start your tribunal."</p><p>"...My what now?"</p><p>"You <i>really</i> need to read your student handbook."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silas University Student Handbook, Bestiary, and Survival Guide (Abridged)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Care](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Care/gifts).



> Happy Yuletide! I know this doesn't exactly follow any of your prompts, but I like the way you like Carmilla on your tumblr, so I wanted to give you a little gift.
> 
> NOTE: This is set in an unspecified future semester at Silas, once the Dean-swallowing demon hole nonsense is all settled.

> **_Animals_**
> 
> _(Ordinance 23.00)_
> 
> _**.01** No person shall bring any animal into any University Classroom, Cave, or Experimental Dimension._
> 
> _**.02** All animals present on campus grounds will be secured with either cage, leash, or reinforced personal binding spell. _
> 
> _**.03** No person shall bring any animal into any University area, such as the Garden of the All-Seeing Eye or the Morgan Le Fey Ritual Courtyard, where there are signs posted to prohibit the presence of animals._
> 
> _**.04** Exceptions to the above provisions include:_
> 
> _-Animals which have been registered with the University as designated familiars, and display the appropriate arcane sigils to mark them as such_
> 
> _-Animals designated as ritual sacrifices, provided they have been checked for the presence of shape-shifting or mentally co-habitating individuals pursuant to the Were-Being Rights Act of 1137._
> 
> _-Subbasement C of the Septimus Building of Astrophilosophy is a specially designated personal dwelling, and so the presence of any being a student may or may not see in the building is to be disregarded, as such a creature, were it to exist, would be exempt from this ordinance._

\------------------------------------ 

“This has to stop!"

Carmilla hardly glanced up from her phone long enough to quirk an eyebrow at Laura, who was brandishing a double handful of fuzzy black hairs she’d scraped off her pillow and sheets and towels and god knows what else in Carmilla’s direction as she shouted.

“What?” Carmilla said, blowing a loose curl away from her forehead with bored aplomb. “Like _you’ve_ never shed a few hairs here and there."

“Yes, of course I have,” Laura said, "but fortunately _I_ don’t have the good luck to be able to transform into a giant, purring, furry _shedding machine_ of a cat at the drop of a hat."

She scraped the unfortunate collection off her hands and into the trash can where it lay, looking like a it might gain sentience and strike back at any moment. Laura kept one eye on it, in case it got any ideas.

“Whatever,” Carmilla's long, drawn-out sigh made Laura rue vampiric lung capacity. "I didn’t hear you complaining when you were cuddled up against this particular shedding machine last night.” 

Laura gasped and, nostrils flaring, stamped out of the room, slamming the door behind her. 

Carmilla’s smug grin lasted right up until she woke up that evening to Laura buckling a hot pink collar snugly around her neck. A tag that read  _Property of Laura Hollis, answers to ‘Carmy-poo’_ dangled from the front of it, shining brightly. 

“Pets are against the rules,” Laura said, “unless they have a collar and leash. And I’m certainly not cleaning up after a pet I’m not allowed to have." She wiped her hands together in satisfaction, then whipped out her camera and snapped a photo before Carmilla was awake enough to protest before running down the hall to Perry's room.

LaFontaine doesn’t stop laughing for a week.

 

* * *

 

 

 

> _**Residence Hall Room Entry Policy** _
> 
> _(Administrative Ruling)_
> 
> _Silas University respects the residents’ privacy and control over their environments to the degree that such things can be guaranteed in an uncertain universe. The University is also responsible for providing quality facilities at reasonable costs to present, future, and sideworld residents._
> 
> _The University reserves the right to enter a resident’s room or apartment at any time including but not limited to the following reasons:_
> 
>   * _To ensure sanitary conditions for all physical and spiritual residents_
>   * _To inventory University property, including but not limited to: furniture, appliances, fungi, shrines, locally anchored ghosts, and light fixtures_
>   * _To silence unattended alarms and familiars_
>   * _If danger to life, health, ritual, or property exists_
>   * _To search for property, faculty, or students currently being pursued by the University_
>   * _To provide requested exorcism services_
>   * _and for any reason set forth by the Dean at any time_
> 

> 
> _Failure to comply with this ruling will result in a tribunal, governed by a council appointed by the Dean, and a second infraction will result in the immediate commencement of EXIT PROCEDURES (see Administrative Ruling dated October 29, 1784)._

 

 

 

\------------------------------------ 

 

 

 

It really is less than pleasant to be woken up from a well-deserved desk nap with a spray bottle to the head, but it seemed like this was Laura’s life these days. Supernatural creatures, sleepless nights of studying (mundane AND arcane varieties), and assorted head injuries.

Peachy.

She rubbed her sore head and glared up at Perry, who was looming over her, hands over her mouth in horror, wild hair backlit by the light streaming in from the open door to the hallway. 

“ _Seriously?_ ” Laura groaned, stretching and popping her back, peeling an abandoned study sheet off her cheek, “I’m starting to think Carmilla has a point. Does no one know how to knock anymore? 

Perry looked a little flustered, but shook it off impatiently. “I did knock, but you never answered, and, well..." She shifted from foot to foot, and Laura suddenly noticed that she was wearing gloves and carrying at least three different bottles of cleaning products.

"Ohhh, no, Perry! I thought we talked about this?" Laura said, plucking a dropped pair of gloves off the floor. "Carmilla's a big girl - a few hundred years big, in fact - she can clean up after herself!"

Perry at least had the good grace to look abashed, but she persisted. "While I agree that Carmilla should be able to perform her cleaning duties, as per your roommate agreement, I have begun to get complaints from the rest of the floor about the smell of fear and decay seeping out of your room."

Laura groaned and dropped her head back down onto her folded arms. "I never thought this would be one of the problems I had with my roommate when I came to college, you know?" she whined, ignoring Perry as she delicately began wiping the table down around slumped form. "I thought it would be more about politics, or her eating all my snack cakes or something. Not... vampiric death slime and terror pheromones."

"I know, dear," said Perry, not unsympathetically. "But I suppose that's what you get for choosing Silas, right?"

 

* * *

 

 

 

> **_Safety_ **
> 
> _(All-University Policy) (Applicable to University employees as well as students.)_
> 
> _It is not the responsibility of Silas University to prevent accidents in work, class, or arcane activities which the University supervises, is responsible for, or sponsors. Each person, regardless of vital or ethereal status, is individually responsible for their own safety (such as they may define it) during such work or activities. Investigation of accidents to University personnel and students during work, class, or sponsored activities is the responsibility of whoever feels like doing it._

\------------------------------------ 

She's been asleep for three days.

Three days, and Laura has no idea if that's normal or terrifying, if she should be worried or comforted that her skin doesn't get warmer or colder. 

How do you wake a vampire from a coma anyway?

Everyone else has been drifting in and out of the room during breaks from their research - a plate of fresh cookies is stacked haphazardly on top of a pile of medical books LaFontaine had smuggled out of the library. Perry had mumbled something about how the smell might convince her to wake up before taking one look at Carmilla's ashen face and darting out of the room, lip quivering. 

LaFontaine shrugged helplessly and gave Laura a wan little smile, saying "We'll keep looking, okay?" before turning on their heel and following her out. 

Even Danny had been by, carrying the head of the sleep demon in a bag, face still bloodied from the fight. She dropped the bag next to Carmilla's bed, like an offering, and put her hand on Laura's shoulder. "You should really get some sleep, Laura," she said, averting her eyes from Carmilla's still form. 

"I know," said Laura, voice dull. "But I can't help thinking- if it wasn't for me, she would be okay right now. She wouldn't be so," she gestured loosely, " _still._ "

"No, Laura, no." Danny dropped down on her knees next to Laura's chair. "You can't think like that. If she hadn't jumped in front of that thing, you wouldn't be here at  _all_ , okay? I'm pretty sure if she were awake, she'd be pretty pissed that you were here, making yourself sick staring at her all day long, when she put herself through this just to make sure you'd be okay."

The silence after her statement stretched on, and on, until finally Danny slumped, defeated. "Okay," she said, "I'll try again tomorrow. But you  _have_ to try to get some sleep, okay? We're all worried about you." 

She propped a sandwich and a bottle of water up on the desk and hesitated with her hand hovering over Laura's shoulder once more, before turning away and leaving, shutting the door softly behind her.

Laura hardly moved, staring at Carmilla's unmoving form as the sun slowly set outside the window, casting their room in shades of grey.

She awoke to a horrific crick in her neck, and fingers carding through her hair. 

She sat up so suddenly that she thought she might have given herself whiplash, and stared into eyes she was afraid she'd never see open again. 

"Hey there, cutie," Carmilla croaked, fingers falling back onto the duvet. 

Laura choked out a cry and launched herself onto the bed, latching onto Carmilla and burying her face into the crook of her neck. 

"Promise me," Laura managed between sniffles, "promise me you'll never, ever,  _ever_ do that again, do you hear me?" She loosened her grip, mindful that she might be injuring her further, but refused to let go, instead resting her forehead against Carmilla's. "I've already lost you once, and I can't.. I can't... I can't  _do_ that again, you stupid vampire!" She let out a shuddering breath against Carmilla's lips.  _  
_

"I can't  _lose_ you."

The barest hint of a smile quirked up one side of Carmilla's mouth, and it was like the first hint of spring after a long, grey winter. "Don't you get it, Laura?" she rasped, voice cracking from disuse. "That's exactly why I had to do it, too." She laughed. "So I guess we're at an impasse, huh?"

Laura laughed softly, "I guess we'll just have to come to a compromise then - I promise not to die as long as you promise not to... not not-die. Or whatever you call ceasing-to-exist for vampires. I don't think we ever went over that." 

Beaming, Carmilla leaned forward and said "Deal," before sealing it with a kiss. 


End file.
